This is poem I wrote a couple years ago when the guy I put my all into sent one of those devastating blows and my eyes were truly opened to some things all of this stuff is true…it’s an accurate re-enactment.
I see it in your eyes the lies that you tell and at times it seems as though you’re selling me the dream…
At least my dreams were to be with you
never mind the fact that you don’t really want me back…because after the storm…
Forget that there were 3 less condoms than last time
And I know in my heart that maybe you’re not right for me, but if I just hold on a little bit longer maybe we’ll see eye to eye.
but in the mean time, I guess I can let you play between my thighs, stretch me to my highest point until I begin to sigh, or moan with whispers of relentless submissions cause fuck it…we were both on a mission
Thrusts of passion or possibility are positively positive so much so that it blinds me from seeing ANY negative…cause the truth is…I’m your weekend thing.
And when I depart someone else will lay helpless being fed blind directions by your supreme erections while I’m at home pretending everything is Alright.
See to leave such sexual supremacy would allow me to discover intimacy in a foreign place that could truly erase the false hopes and dreams that you feed me every day but until that time comes I have to patiently wait.
Copywrite~ Brandy Danielle McCallum
So who would have thought that I needed a public forum such as Facebook to get something for Valentine’s day. I guess I gave the holiday so much flack that there were at least 2 individuals that just wanted make me smile. I truly appreciate the gesture and in my 24 years it is the first honest attempt of ANY man outside my immediate family to get me something for Valentine’s day. A smile was put on my face when I came home to some beautiful flowers and a great message inside! Then this morning I woke up to another package with 6 different chocolate covered strawberies and a snow globe to remind me of Michigan that played “You are my sunshine”! Great weekend considering everything else that’s going on in my life right now
It lessened the effect of the fact that I did not get to go to All Star Weekend…though it still hurts a little LOL.
Thanks to those 2 people!!!
Okay so I have to vent about something else now…
So I met someone at a Club in Vegas who was super cool and nice to me and my girls. Come to find out he’s some huge basketball player (I swear I didn’t know at the time). Anywho we started to be cool, but mainly over text messaging. This man wanted me to be his side piece. Basically when he is tired of the monotany of his day to day family life with his live in baby momma that I can come relieve some of that by being available when he wants to have sex (and I clarified that that is what he was getting at).
So I asked him where he got my sidepiece application from…I just don’t understand…I just wanted to put that out there. And people wonder why I don’t have a man, I am afraid of disappointment.
In other news I went to LA last weekend for Grammy festivities and had a blast…even though it was rainy and freezing and I had an allergic reaction to something (not sure what) and broke out in hives (pray for me that it goes away before my Miami trip in two weeks). It was very refreshing to see and meet so many black producers doing their thing.
Special Shout outs to
Brian Kennedy
Da Internz (Kosine)
Zukahn
You guys all do you’re thing
Let’s see also I would like to say I turned 4 years old as a Woman of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, INC on 2/13/09. I love you guys and I don’t know what I would do with out out you! Especially Dorothy you are my sister and I love you to death you are truly my friend. Also Cake, Fallon, Victoria, Brandy K, Deanna! You guys are awesome not that no one else is but I talk to you the most!.
I just added Here I Stand by Usher to my profile!
I want a man to feel like that about me someday
You guys think I’m joking when I say guys aren’t checking for me like that, but it’s the truth!
Okay so over the weekend I went to Tampa for Super Bowl. I saw alot of very attractive men and one in particular that I was my age, seemed to have good sense and a strong sense of self. But instead of me simply having a regular conversation I just HAD to explain what I don’t do even though he never really asked.
What is it about some women that make us think that we have to explain ourselves to people who probably don’t care one way or the other. It got so bad that this individual said that I “killed it”. What makes it even worse is that I said so much that I don’t even know what exactly killed anything. The truth is I was feeling this person physically but couldn’t stop thinking ahead of the current situation….which was nothing more than a conversation. Instead I went into a semi-defense where I had to maintain my “integrity” at all costs.
So fast forward to the next day…no text back and me “killing it” LOL. I thought to myself at what point do I really truly not care what people think. I don’t look to be with someone based off of what they can do for me, but rather how that person makes me feel when I’m around them. But instead I operate on how I think I’ll feel about that person 4 months from now. I try to keep thinking of formulas of how not to move to fast but I keep fucking up.
The following was my new Philosophy
Fellowship, Friendship, Relationship in that order
Because if you cannot get past the first 2 the the 3rd is impossible. Shouldn’t you know someone before you share your body with them? Or if you feel comfortable and it’s something u want to do…do you just do what you feel? That is the question… I’m just all confused!
So next up for me is Grammy events then All-Star…let’s see if I kill it for someone else or if the person I’m speaking about isnt too done…either way I guess we all have things to work on and being stingy with the pussy is def not a bad thing 😉
Intro To Me
Just in case you don’t understand I’m
a stranger in this land
A passerby on the plains of frustration
A captain on the sea of loneliness
a slave on the plantations of hopelessness
The last survivor on this island
called seclusion.
Bottom Line, I’m not from this place
Often Judged, Frequently doubted,
and always underestimated.
Just another soldier in this war called life
An Actress in this play with an
audience much greater than any one of
us ever imagined. A starving poet searching
for inspiration…tell me why I feel.
I’m a lover, a fighter, a daughter, a
a sister, a poet, a leader, and not to mention a child of God.
But yet and still…A stranger in this land.
Brandy Danielle McCallum
Copyright ©2008 Brandy Danielle McCallum
Powerful Tools
Play me an instrumental …
So I can get into the mood as my pen begins to imitate life.
Letting its ink freely dance across this naked page soon to
be filled with the thought and compassion of the person who
breaths life into this once dormant object.
Each word carefully written like a memorized essay printed
straight from my scattered mind..All controlled by you.
You have reawakened the creativity that graced my soul,
commanding my hand to write, causing the ink to sink into each
selected portion of this innocent piece of paper
written in a book with endless posibilities.
Brandy Danielle McCallum
Copyright ©2008 Brandy Danielle McCallum
Man the year is coming to an end and on the relationship front nothing has changed. Am I little discouraged yes, but I know God has something in store for me. A loving man who understands my career choice and holds me down, right now I don’t have that. So let me go through a couple types that I am avoiding in 09.
The Drainer: A man who wants your time even though you just want to be their friend. When you talk you are constantly explaining why you are not in a relationship and that it’s just not of interest. The man that you have to constantly say no to. You can’t hang out with them on a one on one basis for fear of them trying to make a move and you having to keep rejecting them and having that “talk”. The men who want to go out of their way to see you with nothing in return…Yeah Right. Fuck that talk I might have to let some good friends go for the sake of my sanity.
The Accuser and Super Sarcastic: The man who likes you, but doesn’t know how to talk to you. The one who always has some smart ass shit to say when it’s not their place to make comments at all. I’m single right??? So don’t try to figure me out or make jealous ass comments about what you think I do with my free time. Why talk if it’s always some slick shit to be said. Comments this person may make:
“You Big Time Now”
“Shit I’m Trying to Be Like You”
“I’m No Trey Songz Sooo”
Don’t tell me what I am or what you’re not….tell me who you are…
The Yeah We Cool: The guy who will play the friend position and pretend to be content, but as soon as he sees an opening will try and fuck, or put their tongue down your throat. If you saw my previous blog you know exactly what I’m talking about. The Nigga that will stall and spend some time with you offer to do a couple things….then BAM! They try to get you into the bed. I’ve been told it’s a natural progression.
Mr. Sensitive: Listen I am blunt sometimes and very rarely do I meet a man that I feel entranced by…you know I guy that makes you want to be submissive. When it comes to sex my experience on a larger scale is limited. So if by chance I choose to share that experience with someone I know very well and am comfortable with don’t get mad when I tell you what I did and or didn’t like about it. Constant improvement is a must. Also don’t ask me questions you don’t want the answers to. If I tell you…”our personalities clash, you are too aggressive, I am not into short guys, I don’t give head, I don’t think we are compatible etc…” That is not a translation for I only date black guys, I only date athletes, I’m too good for you….it means exactly what I said. “It’s not me it’s you”…yeah whatever it’s both of us and we don’t fit.
The Mute: The guy who will text you all day but not answer the phone….if you can’t call at least a quarter of the amount you text then let’s not play ourselves
Send me a picture: If your not my man…u get no pictures…anymore LOL…and don’t ever ask me to send a Naked picture!!!! It’s not happening EVER
The Ex: We been off and on for 10 years…mainly off and it has hindered me from seeking what else is out there. I have never been able to give my heart to someone else, but in 09 if it’s not you which I doubt it will be then I have to let go. You have had at least 4 girlfriends and countless other partners and I have still held you down. But I am into self preservation and I can’t cheat myself anymore….especially after spending $300 on a hotel room. I will always love you but in 09 I gotta keep it moving. You said you wanted another chance and when I was ready to give you what you wanted you wanted to act up. Gotta move on.
So with that said…if you fit into any of these categories know that other than the last one….at least 2 people fit in each one or more.
I can’t be in a relationship right now because I don’t have time, I am hardly ever even by myself. I have to work on me before I take on anyone else’s bullshit in 09 I hope that Mr. I’m down for Brandy comes along but if not…that’s fine too! Too all my true friends who understand me thank you soo much…Dorothy, Deanna, Victoria, Keshia, Cake, Fallon, Brit. You guys always listen to my stories and now I feel like a weight has been lifted…and trust that I am writing a book. The Bad Bitch Chronicles. You can say I’m arrogant, but I’m not I’m the coolest chick you never knew.
Happy New year!!!
So if you know me…you know I always have a story…here it is
So there’s this guy that I’ve had a crush on for about 4 years. When I first saw him I was like damn he is that deal, but found out that he was married with a child. So fast forward to the present day after years of instant messaging we finally about month meet face to face.
So today was the second time we had some one on one time. So he comes through my aunts house about 12am. We watch a movie and a show on my computer. So then comes time for him to leave and earlier in the night he said he was going to the mall and I could come back to his crib and go to the mall with him in the morning. So I think about it!!! Being the blunt bitch I am I ask a question prior to packing my bag.
Me: “So are you weird about chicks sleeping in your bed”
Guy: “Umm what do you mean”
Me: “You know some niggas just are like, hey if a chick is sleeping in my bed….you know what’s going down. I just want to clarify before I get there.” (I continue to pretend to pack my bag)
Guy: (Is quiet for a second as silence prevails) “Ummm well I can just come back and take you to the mall tomorrow….if that’s cool”
Me: (politely smiles) “Okay that’s cool, whatever works”
Guy: “Are you sure that’s cool???” (Walking out the door)
Me: “That’s Fine” (Laughing on the inside)
So yeah I talk about sex…my sex life with other men, but it’s just because I have nothing to be ashamed of. I ALWAYS have a story of some sort and don’t skim on details. But just because I share this information does not mean I plan to get down with the person I’m sharing this info with. This guys intentions may have been harmless…maybe he didn’t want me to be uncomfortable…maybe he didn’t want me to get in his bed and flip the script but hey at least I put it out there…..we’ll see if he takes me to the mall tomorrow LOL!!!
So have you ever regreted a huge decision you made? I like to think that every move I make is a good one, but lately I’m starting to think I put myself in a shitty situation and for what? Holding out for the brighter days is getting more and more difficult. Today is one of those days where I don’t want to go to work, I don’t want to be more concerned with other peoples lives and problems than I am with my own, but I feel like I don’t have a choice. Choices…we all have them
Always B.Known 