FWD to me from one of my Sorors thought I’d share!
What do you think?
Men and Marriage…. Don’t Fool Yourself, It’s Not That Complicated (from a man’s point of view…hmmmm!)
This makes for interesting conversation…
Last week we threw a bachelor party for one of our good friends and then on Saturday afternoon we stood beside him in our tuxes while he and his fianceé said their vows. As I stood up there looking across the crowd, I decided that our next topic on this page would definitely talk about marriage. I also realized that a lot of women may not want to hear the truth about men and marriage because the truth is so simple that they could not accept it without questioning their own relationship. But I am here to tell you – DON’T FOOL YOURSELF, IT’S NOT THAT COMPLICATED
The sad thing about it is that it took a woman to bring it to my attention. I had a close friend of mine
tell me that she was pursuing a stable man with a girlfriend. When I asked her did she feel wrong about
that she said ‘Man, a girlfriend isn’t anything – girlfriends come and go. If the nigga is established and he isn’t either married or engaged, then he is not that serious about her and he is fair game.’ I thought
about this for a minute and came to a cold conclusion:
IF A MAN IS STABLE IN LIFE AND HE IS IN A RELATIONSHIP AND NOT MARRIED, THEN IT IS BECAUSE HE IS NOT SURE ABOUT THE WOMAN THAT HE IS WITH.
He is not willing to commit to her and constantly has his eye open for something better or is waiting for her to become something better. Point blank! When he finds a woman that he is satisfied with, he will make her his wife. And ladies, sorry to tell some of you, but it doesn’t take 4 or 5 years for that man to figure it out. It doesn’t take 2 or 3 years either.The only reason that a man will get married after that
long of a time is because he’s tired of looking for something better. And trust me, that’s definitely what
he was doing all of those years. So if you should happen to find yourself in one of those ‘long term’ relationships then maybe you should step back, take a look at yourself and wonder what it is that you’re missing that this man is not willing to fully commit. Don’t make excuses to yourself and your girlfriends saying things like ‘Oh he’s waiting til he gets a better job’ or ‘he’s waiting to finish school’ or ‘he’s waiting until he moves from his apartment to a house.’
DON’T FOOL YOURSELF, IT’S NOT THAT COMPLICATED
Which one of those things can’t be done with a wife or fianceé by his side?
So ladies, when you read this think about your situation and that man that you are living with. Or
the one that you spend many nights over his house or him over yours. Think about your baby’s father that you are still in a sexual relationship with. Think about your ‘ex’ that you are still in a sexual relationship with. Think about your ‘boyfriend.’ And definitely think twice before you brag on a relationship that’s a couple of years long and you still have no commitment.
Like I’ve said before, I’m a man and I know the situation. I’ve been there and I know that we can come
up with some extremely reasonable excuses, but…
DON’T FOOL YOURSELF, IT’S NOT THAT COMPLICATED.
So first of all let me say that I have technically only had one boyfriend and currently am dating someone and I have NEVER ever cheated!
LOL with that out of the way let’s get on with the show…
We all know what the “honeymoon phase” is, it the un-natural high you get when just getting to know someone that you could potentially see yourself being with. You know the hours upon hours of phone conversation, the uncontrollable smiling that comes whenever you talk about this new person in your life. You get the best of each other because we are always taught to put our best foot forward. Within those first couple of months with a new potential mate we make some decisions; we decide if we want to tell other people abt it, if we want to cut off other people that we’ve been dealing with there is a transition that has to happen and the first 3 months of dating determines that transition. The crazy part is when the challenges begin to come. That’s when different situations arise that make us snap back to reality and ask questions that we negelcted to ask during the honey moon stage, and trust me eventually that phase will end. Once it does that is when we decide whether we want to continue getting to know each other or that maybe we should just be friends. Assuming we continue on with the relationship and the fact that the honeymoon phase is over can be alot for a new potential couple. So this brings me to cheating for women, I don’t cheat or do anything to my potential BF that I dnt want done to me and cheating is one of those things. Cheating means not playing fare and not following unspoken rules and one of the main reasons I see women cheat is because the man they are with stopped doing the things that they did during the honeymoon phase that made them like the person in the first place. He goes from talking to you on the phone every chance he gets to being busier than usual and havong to pencil you into the schedule, the extreme attention to detail during sex changes, the need to want to please you seemingly goes away, the “I’m thinking of you texts go away, you start to feel more like an option and not a priority. Let me be clear insecurity is a serious problem and can elevate and dramatize the list I just ran off and ruin any relationship and these things are not true for every woman. But when your man seems to stop giving you the attention you feel like you need and deserve….some women go else where to fill the void. Now some women will keep the number one on the roster just to see if he will change, but begins to fill her roster with men (a man) who will play the position he won’t play. If the sex is gone she has the jump off guy, if he’s busy and can’t talk on the phone she has a listener ready for the point guard to get caught slippin, he will without doubt tell her everything she wants to hear about why her man isn’t worthy, we also have the man that will wine and dine waiting for the PG to fuck up, but isn’t necessarily smashing. Fellas what I’m saying is if you have a woman that cooks, cleans, supports you, helps you grind, loves you for who you are,does everything in her power to make you happy keep an open line of communication at all times and make sure she knows w/o a shadow of a doubt that you are just as down for her as she is for you, because as soon as she begins to feel unappreciated she will fill in the holes elsewhere and you won’t suspect a thing because you have forgotten how much she does for you and means to you. With me like I said I won’t cheat because it’s just not in me and I have more respect for myself and the person I’m with for that. Treat your girl right or someone else will pick up your slack. Once you decide to be in a relationship it’s a full-time job all the way around! And Lord knows if he comes in and does everything better than you then you def have something to worry about. Men do this one thing for me call your girl right now or text her and tell her how much she means to you especially if you’ve been slacking lately you may just keep her from dropping you! I cut down my roster a while ago and would rather break it off than cheat but I’m not everybody else! Just my thoughts!
I have alot on my mind right now and when my thoughts are in overdrive it always helps to relieve the pressure by blogging. As the thoughts of success, making the right decisions, love, life and my future plague me I continue to realize that when we focus too much on the desired outcome we block the progress of getting to what we want in the first place. Everything I have ever asked for God has given it to me, but not before I stepped out of the way and allowed him to take care of the details. I relation to the previous post about letting go those are some things that have been difficult for me. Sometime we know there are some things we need to let go, but we are so consumed with not wanted to lose something that we hold on to cancers. Cancers in the form of bad relationships with friends, significant others, cancers of addictions, cancers of self doubt, cancers of fear of failure. Anything you allow to sit inside you and eat away at your judgment when it comes to doing the right thing is a cancer. So with that said in the book by Dr. Wayne Dyer entitled 10 Secrets for Success and inner Peace of which I reference quite often I had to go back to secret #1 in light of some struggles I am having in the arena of “letting go”. So here we go…
Secret #1 Have a mind that is open to everything and attached to nothing…
That’s deep I am down with having an open mind, but how can we be attached to nothing???
“If you’re attached to being right or absolutely need something in order to be successful, you’ll live a life striving yet never arriving.”
“Never make your happiness or success dependent on an attachment to anything, any place or particularly any person”
Those 2 quotes from this chapter sum up so much when it comes to relationships. Many times we get so caught up in how good or how happy another person makes us feel we forget that it’s our personal duty to make sure we are happy within ourselves. This is why when you are in a relationship or building a relationship with someone it is vitally important to know who you are as in independent human being, or else you will get lost in the other persons vision of what they want you to be or who you think they want you to be. Attachments aren’t good because they put us in a state of self bondage that can be difficult to get out of because I will admit I don’t like to lose, so some attachments take longer to let go of and turn into opportunity costs.
I have a perfect example of defining happiness in a relationship, there was a past relationship I was in and I loaned my partner something and happened to vent to a married woman I knew. She was young had a child and of course said I needed to get what was mine and that he was using me. She then said that the only way her husband could provide was financially. So I sat there and thought about it, from what I told her I could see why she may have assumed I was being used. But what I told her was that I’m sure someday the financial aspect would come into play, but that right now he provided everything I needed except for the financial portion. That he provided me with peace when he helped guide my faith back to God, that he provided me as a friend by telling me the truth when no one else would, though he was busy he never let a day go by without letting me know he was thinking about me, that even on my bad days he saw good in me, he opens doors, he respects me and the physical bond is there too, if all he could do was give me money he’d be like the other 20 men telling me what they can do for me financially and materialistically. And that when I realized that I enjoyed making someone other than myself happy. But the problem with that was none of those things defined my role in that relationship they were the things I liked so much that letting it go for any reason is a thought I couldn’t live without. But what happens if someone that does all those things and just stops one day? When a person stops being what they were to you. Will you let go of your attachments and walk away realizing that people and circumstances change and they were only in your life for a season, or do you hold on because you choose not to let go and stay attached to a situation that started one way, but seems to be ending another?
One of My sorors FWD this to me the other day. It’s funny how some message come just in time. I didn’t get this email last week or last month I got it when I needed it. No I’m not in the process of letting go of anyone, but I am letting go of baggage…enjoy!
This is an awesome message
By T.. D. Jakes
There are people who can walk away from you.
And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don’t want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.
When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.
The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]
People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can’t make them stay.
Let them go.
And it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you’ve got to know when people’s part in your story is over so that you don’t keep trying to raise the dead.. You’ve got to know when it’s dead.
You’ve got to know when it’s over. Let me tell you something.. I’ve got the gift of good-bye. It’s the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye.. It’s not that I’m hateful, it’s that I’m faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He’ll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don’t need it. Stop begging people to stay.
Let them go!!
If you are holding on to something that doesn’t belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to…….
LET IT GO !!!
If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ……
LET IT GO!!!
If someone can’t treat you right, love you back, and see your worth……
LET IT GO!!!
If someone has angered you.
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge…..
LET IT GO!!!
If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction…. ..
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents
LET IT GO!!!
If you! u have a bad attitude…. …
LET IT GO!!!
If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better……
LET IT GO!!!
If you’re stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him………
LET IT GO!!!
If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship. …..
LET IT GO!!!
If you keep trying to help someone who won’t even try to help themselves.. ….
LET IT GO!!!
If you’re feeling depressed and stressed …………
LET IT GO!!!
If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying ‘take your hands off of it,’ then you need to…….
LET IT GO!!!
‘The Battle is the Lord’s!’
During the next 60 seconds, Stop whatever you are doing, and take this opportunity…
(Literally it is only ONE minute!)
All you have to do is the following:
You simply say ‘The Lords Prayer’ for the person that sent you this message:
The Lords Prayer
Our Father, who are in Heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name, Thy Kingdom Come, Thy Will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day, our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil.
For Thine is the Kingdom, and the Power, and the Glory, forever.
Amen.
Stop and think and appreciate God’s power in your life, for doing what you know is pleasing to Him.
Pass this on if you feel inclined to!
If you are not ashamed to do this, follow the instructions!
Jesus said, If you are ashamed of me, I will be ashamed of you before My Father’
‘Yes, I love my God. He is my fountain of Life and My Savior.
He Keeps me going day and night.. Without Him, I am no one. But with Him, I can do everything, Christ is my strength.’ This is a simple test.
If you love God and you are not ashamed of all the great things that He has done for you, send this to everyone you know.
God loves you and watches over you everyday
I can honestly say that I am my toughest critic. Yesterday and I won’t go into details something very minor happened in regards to my current boyfriend, but it made me sit and reflect on some bad decisions I made in my past with my previous relationship. Flat out I used to be very messy when it came to him, he was my first everything and my ego was too big to deal with the thought of him liking anyone more than “his first love”. From the time I was in the 10th grade and he first cheated on me when I was 16 to the age of 23 was nothing but me being messy (not consistently messy, cause I didn’t always know when he was dating someone, but who I had knowledge of lol) and trying to prove he still liked me/was in love with me. There is not one girlfriend he has ever had and not cheated on them with me (unless they came after December 2008). I remember countless arguments, phone conversations, me almost getting jumped and so on and so on. Now not to say he always had a girl but I was never the only one even when I thought I was. It got so bad that even when me and him would get back together I couldn’t even go anywhere by myself. 1 incident stands out in my mind eventhough I have 10 years worth of stories.
He had a girl named T and and she called me one night when I was out with my friends and she was his girlfriend. So she pretty much called and told me to stay away from my ex. Now up to this point I was hurt because I knew he really liked her and I had actually failed at all my advances, and he was starting to break down because I stopped calling him and he started back calling me. So I let her know that what him and I had wasn’t abt her. That when we spoke she wasn’t a topic and that it was bigger than her and he should stop calling me and get her man in check. I could hear in her voice that she knew if I didn’t leave him alone it would damage their relationship, but at the time my feelings were more important than hers. Long story short he eventually started cheating on her with me again and they ended up breaking up, all because I wasn’t woman enough to let him go. It’s so funny cause her and I are actually cool now and can joke abt alot of things that happened. You know what’s really funny after all the conversations with females and at the end we say “yeah girl you can have him…he ain’t shit, we both would still deal with him.
The bottom line is it took me all of my HS years and the majority of my college years to realize the extra baggage and drama I indirectly or directly added to other womens lives all because I didn’t want to feel rejection or let go! Was this all my fault…no…could I have avoided the drama, yes! Women don’t like to be told no, but I had a human moment today and thought I would share. I say that to say this I am currently in a relationship with someone that I deeply care abt and I had to leave all this baggage of being cheated on and always being second place and having someone tell me they love me, but do things to hurt me and LET IT GO. And finally I let go and let God handle it and allow myself to be vulnerable all over again to someone new and he’s doing a pretty good job. So to all the scorned exes who have a hard time letting go and let your ex creep back in and out of your life while has a girl…think about whose really losing in the end. I was tired of losing.
I have to set up me and T’s last interaction:
I went to my exes apt near they school him and T went to and at this time the were no longer together. From his place I went to a b-day party that was kind of in the middle of nowhere alone! I knew people there, but not enough to have my back like that. T and her girl were there and my car was stuck so basically they were talking abt fighting me in my face, but I just acted like I didn’t hear them and stayed on my phone because I was def in a losing situation at that point! LOL didn’t feel like getting jumped with NO ONE to help me lol….hence our last interaction even to this day!
For happy ending or reflection sake here is the convo me and the girl from my story had after 3 years via facebook Enjoy:
T:
hey, I’ve been plagued with this all week…clearly the last time we communicated were under circumstances that weren’t very fitting of either of us, still the fact remains that we were introduced on unsatisfactory terms. Nonetheless, I held no grudge against u, even now, which is why I accepted your friend request, but i must ask, why or what possesed u to request me?
And please don’t take this as me being anything more or less than utterly curious. Understand I have no quarrel with u, no dislike,malicious intent or anything else of the sort, in fact I’ve viewed your profile, and i’m quite impressed and I wish u nothing but the best…just wanted to know is all…
~T.Church~
ME:
Yeah as I recall the last time we were in the same room I almost got jumped! LOL but for real I’m past all that, I think we just lacked a basic respect for one another and quite frankly we both may have had justified reasons. But I saw a comment you made on a picture I was in with Cake like months ago and came across it again recently. I thought to myself hey I wonder what Peaches is up to. Nothing more nothing less, I’m at a different place in life and take everything that has happened between us as a lesson learned and part of the past.
It was a thought that crossed my mind and I sent the request. I feel the same way I had no malicious intent in sending the request. Every situation and conversation is in the past as far as I’m concerned. Hope all is well with you and I wish you nothing but success and prosperity in all of your current and future endeavors!
~Brandy
T:
LOL…I’m soooo embarrassed! Haha…yeah, I agree with u 100%. It’s funny how time and maturity changes alot of things. You are totally right, it is definitely a lesson learned and I’m glad it’s part of the past. And we definitely were justified in our reasons, but how many times do the women fault each other, and not the man in the middle? FOOLISH! lol…I’m soooo glad to be in a different place and time in my life and on my grind! WHEEWW! Still though, once I had time to reflect, I wanted to formally extend my apology even with regards to it being a part of the past, but I didn’t know if you’d believe the sincerity of it with it being in an email, however, I must say that what you did spoke volumes…Yet and still, I want to apologize for my actions and the disrespect I showed towards you…It’s funny though, I was goin’ through cakes pics, and I was like dang…small world…and i didn’t know the two of u were as close as u appear to be…and that made me feel even more like, man, I hate how things went down…I do believe you are a good person, and I wish we could have met under better circumstances. However, when the time is right I’m sure we’ll see each other again…we have too many “friends” in common not too! 😉
Anywhooo I also wish you nothing but success and prosperity in your current and future endeavours as well, and I thank you for your wishes on me!
~Peach~
Me:
Yeah my mom is from Muskegon Heights…I think my Uncle Stevie is cool with your family…my mom even went to school with your mom LOL, and yeah me and Cake are really tight. And yeah Trey is cool as hell he know I got a mini crush so he was puttin extras on the pics….but girl I can smell trouble and I’m pretty sure it’s his middle name. But I’m glad we got this out in the open and that picture comment was HILARIOUS!
You get the picture Please Comment!
Okay so lately I have been trying to connect with myself and really figure out “Who is Brandy Danielle McCallum”. This process has been a learning experience to say the least. It all started when I met this guy who I still date/talk to and that’s when I started back reading the bible and going to church. Then I went to ATL and sat and talked to my friend Ivory and she suggested I read the book “The Secret”. So all of these things started building towards building a better me. Last Thursday I went to a meeting with a friend and after that we ran into a couple of guys she knew. At first I stayed out of the conversation, but then one of them started asking me questions and we got into a really great discussion about people and their intentions and how we should act on instinct and what our gut tells us to do. Then he said “I want to buy you these books”. So the next day we went to Borders and he bought me. “10 Secrets For Success and Inner Peace” by Dr. Wayne Dryer and “Living on Purpose” by Dan Millman. I started reading the book on Aug 7th I finished chapters 4-10 yesterday afternoon. But what made me finish it was because of the fact that even though I read “The Secret”, which tells you basically that if you think positive then positive things will happen and vice versa, I still had a small cloud of negativity that kept creeping back into my life. It took for me to feel like I was losing someone very special to me to realize one very important piece of information that I didn’t get until yesterday afternoon as I finished the 10 rules book. That “Secret 3: You can’t give away what you don’t have”. So I began to think about my actions and how frustrated I get sometimes and how thoughts and emotions that I thought never existed started slowly coming back. If I don’t have anger, jealousy, manipulation, doubt, greed or selfishness inside me then I can’t project that on other people. I can’t give off what I don’t have. It’s as simple as someone asking borrow $10 if you honestly don’t have it you can’t let the person borrow it…right? We can never allow another person to be a reason for us to “step out of ourselves or act out of character” at the end of the day what you do and say negative and positive are things that were there to begin with. With all that said…my words of wisdom for the day are guard your words and examine what’s in your heart. You can’t gossip, hate, be jealous or anything else negative if you free yourself of those thoughts that keep you from true happiness! Reading and learning about these things has helped me and I have a ways to go, but you have to start somewhere! “The mind can allow us infinite possibilities or infinite failure, choose one”
Opportunity Costs: The cost of passing up the next best choice when making a decision.
Return on Investment: A measure of a corporation’s
profitability
I was thinking about this on my flight…
So as much as I try to avoid looking at personal relationships as business ventures, I keep coming back to this idea of ROI’s and Opportunity cost. Now to break this down what I mean by ROI is the following. Anytime we as human beings submerge ourselves into new situations whether it be meeting new people, engaging in business and entering new relationships we subconsciously ask ourselves what the return on our investment will be, we ask ourselves how emotionally, physically, spiritually profitable is this person to me. When it comes to opportunity cost that is the idea of giving up one choice for another or evaluating what you are willing to give up in order gain something else. Lately I have found myself thinking about these things a lot. Being that I have only been in one real relationship I find that I am constantly trying to figure out my ROI in potential relationships and looking at my opportunity cost. I find myself also thinking about the following idea, quote or whatever you want to call it now taking literal quality of life out of the equation and for illustration purposes; when someone is brain dead their heart can still keep the organs and body alive but if your heart stops you die. Does that mean that it is logical to over ride what would seem to be intelligent decisions with what your heart tells you to do? Meaning you can survive for some time without brain activity yet without your hard everything goes. I know this seems crazy, but I am going through a situation that defies logic meaning that I am participating in a situation that feels right as opposed to what I logically would not let myself get involved in if I hadn’t let how I feel be a factor. So what do you think in regards to logic and matters of what feels right. I still am in my opportunity cost phase with people that I deal with and in what capacity I deal with them. At what point do you cut off guys/chicks that you are dealing with to completely be open to someone else? This again my friend is where opportunity cost plays a factor! There are 2 potential outcomes depending on your answer to this question. What are you willing to give up in order to gain? You have to make a choice!
Let me first say I know women in general complicate things that aren’t that difficult…I for one am a realist with my expectations…. enjoy
You remember when you were in like Jr High School and you send that girl/boy a note in your class that said;” do you like me? circle yes or no?”. I miss the simplicity of having a crush. It never was too complicated, you either had the feelings reciprocated or you didn’t and moved on to the next cute boy/girl in your class. There was no sex nothing like that to confuse a passing admiration with infatuation.
Wikipedia defines infatuation as:
Infatuation is a common emotion characterized by unrealistic expectations of blissful passion without positive relationship growth or development. Infatuation is distinguished by a lack of trust, loyalty, commitment, and reciprocity. In the case of infatuation, there is more often than not an obsessor and an object of desire (generally unattainable). One may come to the conclusion that, unlike love, infatuation is not usually mutual.
Websters defines infatuation as:
Main Entry:
2in·fat·u·ate Listen to the pronunciation of 2infatuate
Pronunciation:
\-ˌwāt, -ˌāt\
Function:
transitive verb
Inflected Form(s):
in·fat·u·at·ed; in·fat·u·at·ing
Etymology:
Latin infatuatus, past participle of infatuare, from in- + fatuus fatuous
Date:
1533
1 : to cause to be foolish : deprive of sound judgment 2 : to inspire with a foolish or extravagant love or admiration
— in·fat·u·a·tion Listen to the pronunciation of infatuation \-ˌfa-chə-ˈwā-shən, -chü-ˈā-\ noun
Defined it would be believed that a passing admiration and infatuation are the same thing, but to me they are completely different. See I have made a conscious effort over the past 5 years to not be in a relationship. They take too much time and emotion and too many feelings get involved.
Passing Admiration: You are attracted to an individual you share the same views or can discuss differences and you talk every once and a while like Jay-Z said “our time together is our time together and our time apart is our time apart, so love Jay with your mind girl and not your heart.” Your heart is NEVER involved at least not on my end it’s not. When you are away from the person you don’t think abt calling them everyday, they aren’t always on your mind and when you see each other it’s cool, but when your apart it’s business as usual.
Infatuation: You(at least one of you) sparks an instant attraction. You talk all the time always want to know/learn more about the person. You rarely question intent and your guard is down. This is something that I avoid at ALL costs because in the end infatuation is an unhealthy mis-direction of feelings. Feelings that can be focused in more productive places like blogging; creating ideas, working out LOL. IDK bottom line being in a situation that is 80/20 sucks. So I try my best not to get caught up. And in some way, shape or for one person is not completely attainable and there are barriers in the way of: lack of mutual feelings, persons involvement with someone else, distance, work…I can go on, but won’t.
Then there’s love which I have no comment on right now because I’ll save that blog for when I feel like I’m in love…can we celebrate on that day??? LOL
Thoughts….
So I ran into this guy I met like a year ago while I was volunteering with media at an event here in Vegas. We re-connected at the event then saw one another again at the wrap party. When he saw me he invited me over to eat for Easter dinner the food was great…great conversation. When I left this song was on the radio and for some odd reason I feel like this song will always take me back to that dinner and conversation. Beautiful song listen to the words…always dream, but make your words and actions have impact in order to create and foster positive change!
Always B.Known 