I can honestly say that I am my toughest critic. Yesterday and I won’t go into details something very minor happened in regards to my current boyfriend, but it made me sit and reflect on some bad decisions I made in my past with my previous relationship. Flat out I used to be very messy when it came to him, he was my first everything and my ego was too big to deal with the thought of him liking anyone more than “his first love”. From the time I was in the 10th grade and he first cheated on me when I was 16 to the age of 23 was nothing but me being messy (not consistently messy, cause I didn’t always know when he was dating someone, but who I had knowledge of lol) and trying to prove he still liked me/was in love with me. There is not one girlfriend he has ever had and not cheated on them with me (unless they came after December 2008). I remember countless arguments, phone conversations, me almost getting jumped and so on and so on. Now not to say he always had a girl but I was never the only one even when I thought I was. It got so bad that even when me and him would get back together I couldn’t even go anywhere by myself. 1 incident stands out in my mind eventhough I have 10 years worth of stories.
He had a girl named T and and she called me one night when I was out with my friends and she was his girlfriend. So she pretty much called and told me to stay away from my ex. Now up to this point I was hurt because I knew he really liked her and I had actually failed at all my advances, and he was starting to break down because I stopped calling him and he started back calling me. So I let her know that what him and I had wasn’t abt her. That when we spoke she wasn’t a topic and that it was bigger than her and he should stop calling me and get her man in check. I could hear in her voice that she knew if I didn’t leave him alone it would damage their relationship, but at the time my feelings were more important than hers. Long story short he eventually started cheating on her with me again and they ended up breaking up, all because I wasn’t woman enough to let him go. It’s so funny cause her and I are actually cool now and can joke abt alot of things that happened. You know what’s really funny after all the conversations with females and at the end we say “yeah girl you can have him…he ain’t shit, we both would still deal with him.
The bottom line is it took me all of my HS years and the majority of my college years to realize the extra baggage and drama I indirectly or directly added to other womens lives all because I didn’t want to feel rejection or let go! Was this all my fault…no…could I have avoided the drama, yes! Women don’t like to be told no, but I had a human moment today and thought I would share. I say that to say this I am currently in a relationship with someone that I deeply care abt and I had to leave all this baggage of being cheated on and always being second place and having someone tell me they love me, but do things to hurt me and LET IT GO. And finally I let go and let God handle it and allow myself to be vulnerable all over again to someone new and he’s doing a pretty good job. So to all the scorned exes who have a hard time letting go and let your ex creep back in and out of your life while has a girl…think about whose really losing in the end. I was tired of losing.
I have to set up me and T’s last interaction:
I went to my exes apt near they school him and T went to and at this time the were no longer together. From his place I went to a b-day party that was kind of in the middle of nowhere alone! I knew people there, but not enough to have my back like that. T and her girl were there and my car was stuck so basically they were talking abt fighting me in my face, but I just acted like I didn’t hear them and stayed on my phone because I was def in a losing situation at that point! LOL didn’t feel like getting jumped with NO ONE to help me lol….hence our last interaction even to this day!
For happy ending or reflection sake here is the convo me and the girl from my story had after 3 years via facebook Enjoy:
T:
hey, I’ve been plagued with this all week…clearly the last time we communicated were under circumstances that weren’t very fitting of either of us, still the fact remains that we were introduced on unsatisfactory terms. Nonetheless, I held no grudge against u, even now, which is why I accepted your friend request, but i must ask, why or what possesed u to request me?
And please don’t take this as me being anything more or less than utterly curious. Understand I have no quarrel with u, no dislike,malicious intent or anything else of the sort, in fact I’ve viewed your profile, and i’m quite impressed and I wish u nothing but the best…just wanted to know is all…
~T.Church~
ME:
Yeah as I recall the last time we were in the same room I almost got jumped! LOL but for real I’m past all that, I think we just lacked a basic respect for one another and quite frankly we both may have had justified reasons. But I saw a comment you made on a picture I was in with Cake like months ago and came across it again recently. I thought to myself hey I wonder what Peaches is up to. Nothing more nothing less, I’m at a different place in life and take everything that has happened between us as a lesson learned and part of the past.
It was a thought that crossed my mind and I sent the request. I feel the same way I had no malicious intent in sending the request. Every situation and conversation is in the past as far as I’m concerned. Hope all is well with you and I wish you nothing but success and prosperity in all of your current and future endeavors!
~Brandy
T:
LOL…I’m soooo embarrassed! Haha…yeah, I agree with u 100%. It’s funny how time and maturity changes alot of things. You are totally right, it is definitely a lesson learned and I’m glad it’s part of the past. And we definitely were justified in our reasons, but how many times do the women fault each other, and not the man in the middle? FOOLISH! lol…I’m soooo glad to be in a different place and time in my life and on my grind! WHEEWW! Still though, once I had time to reflect, I wanted to formally extend my apology even with regards to it being a part of the past, but I didn’t know if you’d believe the sincerity of it with it being in an email, however, I must say that what you did spoke volumes…Yet and still, I want to apologize for my actions and the disrespect I showed towards you…It’s funny though, I was goin’ through cakes pics, and I was like dang…small world…and i didn’t know the two of u were as close as u appear to be…and that made me feel even more like, man, I hate how things went down…I do believe you are a good person, and I wish we could have met under better circumstances. However, when the time is right I’m sure we’ll see each other again…we have too many “friends” in common not too! 😉
Anywhooo I also wish you nothing but success and prosperity in your current and future endeavours as well, and I thank you for your wishes on me!
~Peach~
Me:
Yeah my mom is from Muskegon Heights…I think my Uncle Stevie is cool with your family…my mom even went to school with your mom LOL, and yeah me and Cake are really tight. And yeah Trey is cool as hell he know I got a mini crush so he was puttin extras on the pics….but girl I can smell trouble and I’m pretty sure it’s his middle name. But I’m glad we got this out in the open and that picture comment was HILARIOUS!
You get the picture Please Comment!
Okay so lately I have been trying to connect with myself and really figure out “Who is Brandy Danielle McCallum”. This process has been a learning experience to say the least. It all started when I met this guy who I still date/talk to and that’s when I started back reading the bible and going to church. Then I went to ATL and sat and talked to my friend Ivory and she suggested I read the book “The Secret”. So all of these things started building towards building a better me. Last Thursday I went to a meeting with a friend and after that we ran into a couple of guys she knew. At first I stayed out of the conversation, but then one of them started asking me questions and we got into a really great discussion about people and their intentions and how we should act on instinct and what our gut tells us to do. Then he said “I want to buy you these books”. So the next day we went to Borders and he bought me. “10 Secrets For Success and Inner Peace” by Dr. Wayne Dryer and “Living on Purpose” by Dan Millman. I started reading the book on Aug 7th I finished chapters 4-10 yesterday afternoon. But what made me finish it was because of the fact that even though I read “The Secret”, which tells you basically that if you think positive then positive things will happen and vice versa, I still had a small cloud of negativity that kept creeping back into my life. It took for me to feel like I was losing someone very special to me to realize one very important piece of information that I didn’t get until yesterday afternoon as I finished the 10 rules book. That “Secret 3: You can’t give away what you don’t have”. So I began to think about my actions and how frustrated I get sometimes and how thoughts and emotions that I thought never existed started slowly coming back. If I don’t have anger, jealousy, manipulation, doubt, greed or selfishness inside me then I can’t project that on other people. I can’t give off what I don’t have. It’s as simple as someone asking borrow $10 if you honestly don’t have it you can’t let the person borrow it…right? We can never allow another person to be a reason for us to “step out of ourselves or act out of character” at the end of the day what you do and say negative and positive are things that were there to begin with. With all that said…my words of wisdom for the day are guard your words and examine what’s in your heart. You can’t gossip, hate, be jealous or anything else negative if you free yourself of those thoughts that keep you from true happiness! Reading and learning about these things has helped me and I have a ways to go, but you have to start somewhere! “The mind can allow us infinite possibilities or infinite failure, choose one”
Opportunity Costs: The cost of passing up the next best choice when making a decision.
Return on Investment: A measure of a corporation’s
profitability
I was thinking about this on my flight…
So as much as I try to avoid looking at personal relationships as business ventures, I keep coming back to this idea of ROI’s and Opportunity cost. Now to break this down what I mean by ROI is the following. Anytime we as human beings submerge ourselves into new situations whether it be meeting new people, engaging in business and entering new relationships we subconsciously ask ourselves what the return on our investment will be, we ask ourselves how emotionally, physically, spiritually profitable is this person to me. When it comes to opportunity cost that is the idea of giving up one choice for another or evaluating what you are willing to give up in order gain something else. Lately I have found myself thinking about these things a lot. Being that I have only been in one real relationship I find that I am constantly trying to figure out my ROI in potential relationships and looking at my opportunity cost. I find myself also thinking about the following idea, quote or whatever you want to call it now taking literal quality of life out of the equation and for illustration purposes; when someone is brain dead their heart can still keep the organs and body alive but if your heart stops you die. Does that mean that it is logical to over ride what would seem to be intelligent decisions with what your heart tells you to do? Meaning you can survive for some time without brain activity yet without your hard everything goes. I know this seems crazy, but I am going through a situation that defies logic meaning that I am participating in a situation that feels right as opposed to what I logically would not let myself get involved in if I hadn’t let how I feel be a factor. So what do you think in regards to logic and matters of what feels right. I still am in my opportunity cost phase with people that I deal with and in what capacity I deal with them. At what point do you cut off guys/chicks that you are dealing with to completely be open to someone else? This again my friend is where opportunity cost plays a factor! There are 2 potential outcomes depending on your answer to this question. What are you willing to give up in order to gain? You have to make a choice!
Let me first say I know women in general complicate things that aren’t that difficult…I for one am a realist with my expectations…. enjoy
You remember when you were in like Jr High School and you send that girl/boy a note in your class that said;” do you like me? circle yes or no?”. I miss the simplicity of having a crush. It never was too complicated, you either had the feelings reciprocated or you didn’t and moved on to the next cute boy/girl in your class. There was no sex nothing like that to confuse a passing admiration with infatuation.
Wikipedia defines infatuation as:
Infatuation is a common emotion characterized by unrealistic expectations of blissful passion without positive relationship growth or development. Infatuation is distinguished by a lack of trust, loyalty, commitment, and reciprocity. In the case of infatuation, there is more often than not an obsessor and an object of desire (generally unattainable). One may come to the conclusion that, unlike love, infatuation is not usually mutual.
Websters defines infatuation as:
Main Entry:
2in·fat·u·ate Listen to the pronunciation of 2infatuate
Pronunciation:
\-ˌwāt, -ˌāt\
Function:
transitive verb
Inflected Form(s):
in·fat·u·at·ed; in·fat·u·at·ing
Etymology:
Latin infatuatus, past participle of infatuare, from in- + fatuus fatuous
Date:
1533
1 : to cause to be foolish : deprive of sound judgment 2 : to inspire with a foolish or extravagant love or admiration
— in·fat·u·a·tion Listen to the pronunciation of infatuation \-ˌfa-chə-ˈwā-shən, -chü-ˈā-\ noun
Defined it would be believed that a passing admiration and infatuation are the same thing, but to me they are completely different. See I have made a conscious effort over the past 5 years to not be in a relationship. They take too much time and emotion and too many feelings get involved.
Passing Admiration: You are attracted to an individual you share the same views or can discuss differences and you talk every once and a while like Jay-Z said “our time together is our time together and our time apart is our time apart, so love Jay with your mind girl and not your heart.” Your heart is NEVER involved at least not on my end it’s not. When you are away from the person you don’t think abt calling them everyday, they aren’t always on your mind and when you see each other it’s cool, but when your apart it’s business as usual.
Infatuation: You(at least one of you) sparks an instant attraction. You talk all the time always want to know/learn more about the person. You rarely question intent and your guard is down. This is something that I avoid at ALL costs because in the end infatuation is an unhealthy mis-direction of feelings. Feelings that can be focused in more productive places like blogging; creating ideas, working out LOL. IDK bottom line being in a situation that is 80/20 sucks. So I try my best not to get caught up. And in some way, shape or for one person is not completely attainable and there are barriers in the way of: lack of mutual feelings, persons involvement with someone else, distance, work…I can go on, but won’t.
Then there’s love which I have no comment on right now because I’ll save that blog for when I feel like I’m in love…can we celebrate on that day??? LOL
Thoughts….
So I ran into this guy I met like a year ago while I was volunteering with media at an event here in Vegas. We re-connected at the event then saw one another again at the wrap party. When he saw me he invited me over to eat for Easter dinner the food was great…great conversation. When I left this song was on the radio and for some odd reason I feel like this song will always take me back to that dinner and conversation. Beautiful song listen to the words…always dream, but make your words and actions have impact in order to create and foster positive change!
Sooo the homey Trey Songz has a new video and I love the song/video…even though I should have been in it or at least in the A! I always miss the fun D2 Stuff! Much love! Enjoy.
LOL so one night not too long ago I began to look on youtube and found some pretty cool poems. I was trying to find some inspiration to write and found these poems. They embody feelings that ALL women have felt at some point and time. They are funny, real and powerful. So ladies these are for you! And no these don’t all pertain to me, but nonetheless they will make you smile!
Can you name 20 people you can think of right off the top of your head? Don’t read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 20 people. *this is a lot funnier if you actually list the names first!! No cheating!!!*
1. Dorothy Johnson
2. Keenia Davis
3. Maurice Nash
4. Justin Hoskins
5. Alexandra Burrel
6. Fallon Hudson
7. Nino Brown
8. Ron Dance
9. Ian Burke
10.Tasha Robinson
11. Ricki Brazil
12. Floyd Mayweather
13. Vivica Fox
14. Lana Howard
15. Darnell McCallum
16. Santahra Douglas
17. Jamal Crumpler
18. Steven Jackson
19. Valen
20. Keshia Hills
• How did you meet 10?
SHe caught me and my friend backstage with someone else’s credentials at a comedy show
• What would you do if you had never met 6?
I wouldn’t have anyone to laugh at my stories
• What would you do if 20 and 15 dated?
I would be grossed out because that’s my little brother and a childhood friend!
• If you could marry either 6 or 14 who will it be?
Neither because they are both women
• Did you ever like 9?
He’s a cool cat love em to death!
• Have you ever seen 4 cry?
Yes I think he got hurt really bad one time in highschool!
• Would 4 and 12 make a good couple?
Nope they are both guys
• Would number 1 and 2 make a good couple?
Nope they are both females
• Describe 8:
Still haven’t figured that guy out yet…he’s cute and seems like he’s doing his thing.
• Last time you saw 12?
At Diego Corales daughters sweet 16 party…so random
• Tell me something about 17:
He changed the way I walk LOL
• What’s 7’s favorite color?
IDK Green???
• What would you do if 1 just confessed they liked you?
That’s my best friend we love each other, but not like that
•When was the last time you talked to number 6?
Ummm Friday
• How do you think 19 feels about you?
She would say we have the most random fun times together
• What language does 13 speak?
English
• Who is 2 going out with?
who knows
• What grade is 8 in?
N/A LOL
• What is 5’s favorite music?
Everything R&B
• Would you ever date 3?
Yes
• Is 11 single?
I plead the 5th
•What’s 10’s last name?
Robinson
• Where does 18 live?
Las Vegas/St Louis
• What do you think about 20?
We don’t always stay in touch but she will ALWAYS be my girl!
• What is the best thing about 4?
No matter what we have been through we are still cool no matter how much he pisses me off.
• What would you like to tell 16 right now?
Do you at all times!
• How did you meet 9?
Through Tasha Robinson
• What is the best and worst thing about 14?
She’s always late
Always B.Known 