I was at a Happy Hour event and was close to leaving.  As I began to leave the host asked why I was in a rush, to which I replied, “I’m not buying anymore drinks and guys don’t ever buy me any, so it’s time to go home.”  The host turns to a friend and says, “Hey Mike, you would buy this lady a drink wouldn’t you”.  The gentleman looks me up and down and says…”of course”.  I look him up and down un-impressed but proceed to the bar.  Because he bought me a drink I sat down next to him while I drank it.  He seemed nice enough, asked me some questions talked about the type of man I should have in my life and sold himself…or tried to.  As I got to the bottom of my glass and he suspected I’d be leaving as soon as it was done, he asked if we could have dinner at a later date and pulled out his phone to put the date in his calendar.  Against my better judgement and not wanting to be a complete ass hole we set a date.  A couple weeks went by and I dodged texts and phone calls and hoped he’d forget about the “date”, but any man that pulls out his phone to set a date is definitely not going to let you forget.  

 

I had a work meeting that ran late on the day of this date.  Luckily for me it was in a location no one I know even goes to….drum roll please….yes ladies and gentleman…..RED LOBSTER.  I like cheddar bay biscuits as much as the next person and thought it was low key enough so I just wanted to go and get it over with.  I kept in touch with Mike letting him know I’d be late and after about an hour I had arrived at my destination.  Before I got there Mike had told me that the hostess would assist me with finding the table.  I walk up and give my name, she kind of looks at me for a moment and tells me to follow the wall to the back section of the restaurant.  As I walk to the table Mike stands up and has a perplexed look on his face.  I ask him what’s wrong and he says, “I specifically asked for her to walk you back to the table, I’m just a little upset.”  I then say to him not to worry about it and that it’s red lobster and I definitely found the table on my own.

After that awkward intro Mike asks me about what I do and I ask him the same and we have just a normal conversation, till things got weird.  He saw I was freezing and offered for me to sit next to him to get warm and dear LORD I wish I could have seen the look on my face.  I definitely froze instead of cuddling up to my first date in the back of Red Lobster.  The food comes and out of no where he begins to talk about lesbians and how he used to date a chick that was lesbian and threesomes etc. At this point I’m fucking confused as I have nothing comparable to discuss, again I wish I could have seen my face when I told him I really didn’t have anything to add and was wondering what that had to do with anything.  Now dinner is winding down and he complains to the MANAGER about his specific instructions to have his lady friend escorted to the table had been ignored.  EMBARRASSED again!  After that we head over to the bar and I grab a drink as the Golden State Warriors play.  As we are watching the game he turns to me ans asks do I think one of the players is attractive.  Now IDK about you, but as a man you should never ask that question period.  Couple reasons why, it’s weird, shows insecurity and you don’t look NOTHING like the man you asked me about, he looked more like Roc from the TV show in the 90’s.  So I ask him why he would ask that question and he says that he wanted to know what type of guys I’m into.  Now if I did think the NBA player in question was attractive and his reason was to find my taste then he definitely removed himself by a long shot in the, “I wonder if she’s attracted to me” department.  After the awkward conversation at the bar we walk to the car and we walk past his dream Chrysler 300.  The reason I mention the car is because his career sounded fairly lofty from the conversation we had, I just thought he’d shoot a lil higher.  He said something about a kiss, I looked at him crazy gave him a hug and chucked the deuces.  He text ,e a few more times after that and I let him know I wasn’t interested.  He came off like a creeper and I was right because he was arrested for some craziness only weeks later!  That’s my story I know I sound like a bitch!  Until next time….


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