There are thousands of people who work in the building I work in.  All these people interact everyday, some people you flash a quick smile and a greeting others remain invisible.  There was a young black guy I walked past almost everyday, he always looked at me, smiled and said good morning.  One day I saw him in a photo with a mutual friend on FB and requested him as a friend.  He accepted and made a few posts that made it seem like we had known each other for years, because he never actually tried to hold any conversations other than the smile and a good morning, it kind of threw me off and made me feel awkward.  So some days I’d see him and pretend to be looking down at my phone and that I didn’t see him.  He became invisible, but every once and a while I’d look up and say hello.  A week ago I ended up having to go to his office for something, I saw his name on the door but never even checked to see if he was there to say hello.  I found out he committed suicide 2 days later.  He had 3 kids and in my mind I thought to myself that if there was one thing that was easy to contribute, it was a hello or acknowledgement.  I even looked back at his facebook page and all the signs were there, people even reached out to him to say not to give up and they were there for him.  It wasn’t enough.  I’ve had some very dark hours, where I felt like the devil himself was telling me to give up and that no one cared or would miss me. Suicide affects so many people and the thought of leaving friends and family to mourn for me due to harm I caused to myself is unbearable.  I say that to say, you never know what people are going through, and if you see the signs of people withdrawing and crying out it never hurts to say, “hey are you okay, do you need to talk…I’m here for you”.  I believe that men especially black men are not taught to ask for help or be vulnerable and in turn they are forced to deal with all types of demons that cannot be expelled without prayer and an ear to listen.  Suicide is never the answer let people know you care because sometimes we can truly feel alone in this world and everyone doesn’t have the strength to ask for help and have someone empathize with them.  I pray for his family and children and I wish I wouldn’t have tried so hard to pretend he wasn’t there.


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